I stepped onto the veranda with vision of happiness, the twinkling lights, the long breath of air and in an instant the adrenalin would leave my body and reality will be standing at that door. I can remember the moment I read her name on the papers that defined who I had been before the Smyths, before Me. .
I stood at the door conflicted with my past and unsure of the future, but I had come too far to let it go. I raised my fist with no urgency, holding my breath as it connected with wood, tapping at the material that seperated me from the truth. .
Every word I memorized and even the look I had mastered in the mirror had absconded. Each breath leaving my body faster than I can intake another made me wobble.
Holding me up Dane repeated the knock with an urgency I couldn’t find. .
A slow shuffle came from behind the door before a lock clicked and the warm air flooded out. Unable to break the anonymity I closed my eyes and held my breath while soaking in the sound of her voice. .
“Zen.” The sound of my name had never been so beautiful, it was as if she had sung a whole melody still whistling in my ears. .
“Open your eyes Mama.” Dane encouraged.
I tried so hard to pry them open but fear wouldn’t let me. My hands shook and trembled in the soft palms that gripped them.
“I’m so gald you are finally here!”
She smelt like strawberries and soap, not that cheap stuff that one that leaves a proper smell.
I opened my eyes one by one slowly taking her in. The button nose, the bow lips and the freckles across her cheeks, she was everything I imagined, a vision of me. All I ever wanted for Christmas stood right here!
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